Dad Life

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Being the Man God Called You To Be

This blog is really only for men. Ladies, you are welcome to read it I suppose, but you are not the intended audience…

Fourteen years ago today, I said the words, “I do.” Looking back, I can assure you that I had no idea what I was committing to, but she did. When she said, “I Tammie take you Jamey to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; as long as we both shall live,” she meant every word. She understood the cost and welcomed the sacrifice. She knew that her identity would be forever changed, and yet she still said, “I do.” I guess someone could argue that she couldn’t possibly have grasped the depth of her vow or realized its cost, but I would simply state that actions speak louder than words, and hers are a testament of steadfast love and faithfulness. She was, and still is, my bride.

Scripture describes Christ as the bridegroom, and the Church as His bride. The idea is that the engagement has taken place, and one day in the not-so-distant future, Christ will return for the wedding, and then we, the body, will enjoy eternity with Him. As I think about the analogy of the marriage of the Lamb to our earthly marriages. I often wonder what went wrong. When and where did Christian men decide it was ok to be passive, disregarding all responsibility, living as cowards, and regarding their married life as nothing more than a prison sentence to be served? Of course I recognize the long-lasting effects of sin that started with our first Earthly father, Adam, but what about the example of the second Adam, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who “emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and was made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” So again, I’m left wondering what went wrong. If we are to be like Christ who sacrificed everything, how is it that so many Christian men simply lay down on the job as it were, or worse, just walk out?

At my church, SSBC in Abilene, the Men’s Ministry challenges and equips men to be the servant leaders God created them to be at home, in the church and to the world. So in light of that, I’d like to throw out a challenge of my own… In Ephesians 5:25-28, the Spirit of God, through the Apostle Paul, calls husbands to stand up and reclaim the title Men of God. He says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.” So, in the words of the infamous Nike slogan here’s my challenge: “Just Do It.” Our Men’s Ministry mantra, if you will, goes something like this: Reject passivity, accept your responsibility, lead courageously and expects God’s greater reward. That’s it, that’s the challenge – be who you’ve been called to be. And just so we’re clear, my name is the first one on the list. I’m in and you have my permission to hold me to it. Let’s DO THIS!

Heavenly Father, guide me and assist me in following your lead of self-sacrificing service. Help me to demonstrate my love to my greatest earthly love, my wife, by laying down my life daily for her. Not dying for her, but daily living a life of service, putting her needs before my own in every way. God help me not to assume that taking care of our four children when I’m home is automatically her responsibility, even if I’m sleep-deprived and exhausted from ministry, studying, and writing papers. Grant me the energy to be the first to proactively do the dishes, fold the laundry, take out the trash, change the diaper, feed the baby, go pick up the crying child, fight my urge to sleep when she wants to open up and share with me all about her day, especially when that happens to be 5 minutes after we crawl into bed around 11:30pm. Father, enable me to lead by example, continually being a servant. Don’t let a day go by that I’m not reminded of my responsibilities as a husband and a father to protect my family and lead them to your throne… Strange, that I think of these things as sacrifice. Jesus was beaten and whipped, His flesh was ripped from His body, a crown of thorns smashed upon His brow, hands and feet nailed to a cross, all on account of me. Forgive me Father and thank you for your grace. May I be ever diligent in these tasks and may I do them with joy as I daily rejoice in what You have done for me. Thank you again for my beloved wife, our son and three little girls whom you’ve graciously entrusted to us for a while.

Seen any sheep lately?

I was driving home the other day when I noticed a sheep walking alone in a field. My first thought was that it’s really odd to see only one sheep in a large pasture. After all, this is West Texas, home of coyotes, bob cats, and other predators. What would cause this one sheep to be by itself? Why would the owner of the land only have purchased one, it just didn’t make sense to me. Then something caught my eye and I realized the cause. The sheep was injured; enough that I could see it visibly hobbling as I passed by at 65 mph. The rest of the flock was over 300 yards away and this defenseless animal had been left alone to fend for itself, to endure its struggle… alone. I began to wonder why they would do that. Why would the flock abandon the one? Don’t they know it’s more vulnerable now? If they could only understand that by alienating this poor sheep that the odds were against it, leaving it more susceptible to attack. Then my heart began to sink as I realized that the rest of the herd was concerned only for its own well-being and cared nothing for the suffering of another.

My thoughts then turned to the owner of the field. Why would he leave the injured sheep in the field? Doesn’t he care about this one?

As I continued down the highway, my mind was flooded with the biblical correlations of believers to sheep. I couldn’t help but think about how we as believers do exactly the same thing to other Christians. We disown the injured member, send them on their way, avoid them, and frankly, carry on with our lives as if the ailing member didn’t even exist. Why do we do that? Are we somehow afraid that our white as snow garments will be tarnished by the mud and mire of this world? Have we convinced ourselves that the one who is hurting wants to be left alone, or that he or she doesn’t long for the love, acceptance and protection that is found within the flock? What about the “Owner of the Field?” Does He have anything to say about this? Doesn’t it say in Matthew, “If any man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go and search for the one that is straying?”

The problem is that we’ve forgotten that Scripture not only refers to believers as sheep, but also as the body, that is the body of Christ. It is we who are His hands and His feet and His heart. It is our obligation to be Christ to the world. But if you’re anything like me, you twist Paul’s words here, correlating your lack of concern to your gifting.

“I’m not gifted in those areas so I’ll leave this to those that are, but oh how I love Jesus.”

As James said, “faith without works is dead.” We try to plead our case, making every attempt to justify our lack of action, but in the end, it’s a heart issue.

In Matthew 25, Jesus exposes the heart. He says, “for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me. Then they themselves also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?' Then He will answer them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.'

So I wonder, have you seen any sheep lately?

Giver of Life: Part 3 (The Conclusion)

As we knelt there, weeping and pleading for an immediate and miraculous healing, God answered our prayer. He said, “No.” I didn’t hear an audible voice, but the overwhelming sense that He had something else in mind was unmistakable. By the time we said “Amen,” I was certain Sophie’s condition was by design. The Sovereign God of the Universe wanted us at that hospital and we just needed to figure out why. We had knelt with a purpose, but in the midst of our tear-stained intercessions, He revealed His.

I started to tell Tammie what I felt the Lord was saying, but she beat me to it. “Jamey, I don’t understand it, and I don’t like it, but God has us here for a reason.” Almost immediately Paul’s words to the saints at Ephesus came to mind and I recited them aloud, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.” We weren’t sure what “good work” God had “prepared beforehand,” but whatever it was, we were willing to do it.

Over the course of the next seven days, we realized why we were there – to simply display His workmanship. During our time in the hospital, my wife and I were able to talk extensively about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, with one of our nurses. She even downloaded a sermon I had preached on Aug 17 and proceeded to watch it right at her desk. When she finished, she came to our room and asked what time church started because she wanted to come. The next day, I just sat and marveled as my wife ministered to a young unwed, pregnant nurse who was visibly down-trodden. There were many other conversations about our Great God why we were there, not to mention the testimony of the saints as Christian friends kept our room filled with love, laughter and prayer. But perhaps the greatest confirmation of God’s intentions came directly from our time in the NICU.

While we were there, we met Dan and Amy (not their real names) whose daughter’s bed was right next to Sophie’s. Before they left, we were able to share with them our faith in God and invite them to church. A few days later, Tammie was released, but Sophie had to stay.

The following Sunday we went to church, trusting in God, but sad that our little princess couldn’t be with us. And yet in the midst of our sorrow, God reminded us that He is faithful. During the “greeting of the guests,” I turned and looked right at Dan and Amy. I couldn’t believe it, they had come! I went and talked with them for a few minutes but the music was starting back up so I assured them we’d talk later. After the service, we started heading their way. When Tammie and I got there Amy introduced us to her mother who was just glowing. Tammie started to chat with Amy, but her mother pulled me aside. She proceeded to tell me that she had been praying for months that her daughter and son-in-law would get involved in church, but they never budged, so she just continued to pray. She said, “I hope you don’t take this wrong, but I firmly believe that your baby, Sophia, came early, had the problems she had, and was put into a bed next to my granddaughter for the sole purpose of you meeting my daughter and inviting her to church. I’ve been pleading with God for quite some time about this and I’m convinced He’s used you and your wife to answer my prayers. Thank you.” I never know what to say in those moments. Saying “your welcome” just seems odd to me, because I feel like I’m only doing my job. And yet I didn’t want to stand there in awkward silence either, so, I simply said, “Praise God.”

A few days later, we brought our beautiful daughter home from the hospital. I can’t tell you how great it is just to be able to pick her up and hold her in my arms, to smell her sweet skin, to gaze at the intricacies of God’s creation, to feel her tiny little fingers wrap around mine, and to hear the gentle coos of a healthy baby. I’m overjoyed at God’s precious gift and stand in awe with the realization that we are undeniably His workmanship. Like the masterpiece of some great artist, we were indeed created to give Him the glory.

Giver of Life: Part 2

The previous post concluded with hints of an impending trial… On August 27, 2008, the Life Giver granted us a priceless gift, the gift of life. Our little Sophie took her first breath of air around 5:37 a.m. For the next hour we simply enjoyed the moment: looking at her cute little fingers and tiny toes, breathing in that wonderful baby smell, and holding her in our arms. It was absolutely amazing. Our hearts were rejoicing and our faces showed it. Then Tammie seemed to sense that something was amiss. She looked at me and said, “I think she’s having trouble breathing.” I didn’t really notice anything, but I asked the nurse to have a look, just in case. The nurse came in and assured us that everything was fine, but that they needed to take her to the nursery for all the routine checks. We didn’t want to lose the magic of the moment, but we were confident that the excitement would resume, and that she would be back in our arms within only a few minutes. Sadly, we were mistaken.

Thirty minutes passed, then forty-five, and finally an hour, but still they had not returned our daughter. We wondered what was taking so long. Deciding that more than enough time had passed, I went in search of our little one. Finally, I found the nursery and walked in. Once inside, I noticed that Sophie was getting plenty of attention. What I should have realized is that that’s not necessarily a good thing. Naively thinking all was fine, I asked the nurse when we would be able to take Sophie back to the room, and that’s when she broke it to me. “Mr. Moore, the doctor would like to talk to you.”

Walking in on cue, the doctor explained that he was fairly certain she had a condition called “Transient Tachypnea,” or in layman’s terms, “wet lung.” (Don’t worry, I didn’t know what that meant either.) The doctor explained that during a normal birthing process most of the fetal lung fluid should be squeezed out, and the minor amounts left behind are simply reabsorbed. For whatever reason, this didn’t happen for Sophie. As a result, there is excess fluid in the way and she has to work extremely hard to take a full breath. Then the doctor walked me over to the side of her little bed, and he asked me to observe her and tell me what I saw. “She’s breathing rapidly and her stomach seems to be sinking in a lot, like she’s really struggling to get air, and it sounds like she’s humming.” He said, “We call that Tachypnea Retractions and the little grunting sound that you hear sounds cute, but it’s a bad sign… We’re going to have to admit her to the NICU, but there’s nothing to worry about. This kind of thing just takes time.”

I wanted to cry for my little princess, but I had to be strong. I needed to tell my wife the prognosis and I knew I couldn’t do it with tears in my eyes. Returning to the room I broke the news, and almost before I finished with the explanation Tammie was on her way to see her. When we got to the NICU, we weren’t exactly prepared for the sight we saw. Wires, tubes, monitors, IV’s, etc., all protruding out of our tiny baby. The doctor came over and informed us that her condition was deteriorating and so they were administering high flow oxygen. If this doesn’t work, then we’ll probably have to put her on the respirator. Tammie asked, “May I hold her?” convinced that the answer would be “yes.” She leaned forward to pick her up only to hear the nurse say, “No! I’m sorry.”

“I can’t hold my baby? When will I get to hold her?”

“When she’s off the oxygen.”

“When will that be?”

“Three days, five, maybe ten, we’re just not sure.”

After spending about an hour with Sophie, just staring at her and feeling helpless, we headed back to the delivery room. The short walk down the hall felt more like a marathon, each step heavier than the last as we walked farther and farther away from our child. We wanted an expedient recovery, we hoped for a misdiagnosis, but it wasn’t to be. Arriving back in the room, no words were spoken, but we both knew what we needed to do. So we closed our eyes and falling to our knees began to cry out to the Healer of the hurting, the Comforter of broken hearts, our Refuge in times of trouble. With tears welling up in our eyes, then gently streaming down our cheeks we joined our voices with that of the Psalmist proclaiming our faith in the Giver and Restorer of Life. “I lift my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help come from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Regardless of whichever way this troubled road turned, we were prepared for we had determined to simply “walk by faith.”

Giver of Life: Part 1

Until only a few short days ago, I have had the privilege of watching the miracle of birth three times. And with each occurrence, I have been moved to tears and filled with awestruck wonder at the power, majesty and craftsmanship of our Great God. And in that instant, when my eyes first gaze upon His beautiful creation, I find myself humbled by His amazing grace and love. It is in that moment of overwhelming joy that I am often reminded of David’s prayer in Psalm 139, “You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.” I have to admit, prior to becoming a father, my soul didn’t “know it very well” at all. Sure, I read David’s words, but I did not appreciate them. It was only after witnessing the glorious occasion of the birth of our children that I was truly enabled to comprehend the sentiment of the psalmist.

On August 27, 2008, our lives were once again blessed with the birth of a child as we welcomed Sophie Grace into the world. The emotions that were building and the connection that had been forming for nine months culminated in those first few moments of life. Smiles appear, tears come, and hearts overflow. If you’ve been there, then you are intimately acquainted with the experience. If you have not, there is no way to properly convey the multitude of emotions bombarding your senses. To say that you are overwhelmed, ecstatic, frightened, joyous, and peaceful all at the same time only scratches the surface. Without question, the phenomenon is far beyond my feeble ability to describe, but one thing is certain. It is beautiful.

In Psalm 127, Solomon declares that “Children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb, a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” I’ve often wondered why I have been blessed with so precious a gift. What did I ever do or accomplish to deserve so great a reward? My conclusion is always the same: absolutely nothing. It is merely another act of unmerited favor from the Giver of Grace, and to Him I am forever grateful.

I wish that I could draw this story to an end with something like “and we lived happily ever after until the end of our days.” But that was not to be. Trials come, struggles ensue and the journey of life continues. For Princess Sophie it was a struggle to breathe. At first not even the medical staff noticed. Only the knowing sense of a mother that something was not quite right with her baby gave any indication. But that story must wait for another day, another post. It will be told soon, but not yet. For now, come and celebrate with us for we have been given a gift. The Giver of Life has offered and we have received a daughter.

Taste and See

One evening a few weeks ago, we had the opportunity to have dinner with a couple from church. From the very first time we met them, our 2 year old, Chloe, has called them “Grandma” and “Poppy.” Of course we aren’t related, but Chloe knows grandparents when she sees them. At first we all thought it was cute, so we never bothered to correct her. But now we’ve all come to accept what Chloe could see all along.

Like most grandfathers, Poppy is adept at switching hats between wise old sage and walking entertainment center. After dinner, he was doing a little bit of both as he took the kids off to his workshop to train them in the art of woodworking. Within only a few seconds, my two older children, Hailey and Toby, were captivated and their imaginations were in overdrive. Chloe wasn’t as impressed. She didn’t come for wood, but for the trees. She came to explore.

As she searched through the “jungles” of our friends’ backyard, she stumbled upon a treasure, a fountain of cool, clear water springing forth from the very ground. To the trained eye, it was easy to see that a sprinkler head had broken off. But through the eyes of a two-year old, it was nothing short of a miracle, a gift from God providing refreshment and retreat from the long summer day.

By the time her discovery was made known to the rest of us, her clothes were soaked. My first inclination was to reprimand her, but then God allowed me to look past the circumstances and see the heart of a little girl acting in innocence, a little girl simply being who she is, a child. We just watched her, delighting in the moment, tasting the goodness, finding refuge from the heat of the sun in the coolness of the flow, and allowing it to quench her thirst. She invited us all to do the same. Her request wasn’t long or eloquent, but the message was conveyed just the same. She merely said, “Come, it’s good.”

In John 7:37, Jesus extends an invitation of his own. He says, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink.” He offered, and continues to offer “Living Water.” And yet in the course of this life, we continuously reject His offer and search to gratify our thirsts in the cisterns and wells of our own doing, in the stagnant pools of idleness, and in the murky, mud stained waters of sin. But in the Psalms, David encourages us to do more. He says, “O taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him… Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Oh, that we would hear the testimony of the Psalmist, that we might heed the plea of our Savior. May we listen to His voice, and truly see what He has done for us. I pray that we might come into His presence, that we might come thirsty, and drinking deeply, be satisfied in Him.